|| L I N K _ Back to an index of sorts ||
A page of tips:
All sorts - just stuff I know
If you have been to another get-together because somebody else is leaving the Company, please note the folowing:
If you insist on drinking beer from 12:30 till halfway through the England game in the evening at The Chequers, you should
ENSURE THAT YOUR FAVOURITE CD HAS NO SHITE ON IT.
because, with everybody else in bed, you'll go to sleep on the sofa listening to 'Elephant' by The White Stripes.really loudly.
The CD with some shite on it will stick
Your wife will hear the repetetive thudding and will come downstairs & turn it off.
You will wake up thinking 'bugger! I went to sleep and didn't hear it all'.
You will then go to sleep again.
This time, your son will hear the repetetive thudding and will come downstairs & turn it off.
So then you wake up again thinking 'bugger I fell asleep again' and you'll start the bloody thing again.
And yes: it sticks again.
If you go to Nig's barbecue in Sheffield and stay at the Travelodge on Prince of Wales Road,
try to remember which door is which.
ELSE
you'll get up in the night for a pee, go through the wrong door which closes behind you, leaving you in the corridor.
You'll be stark bollock naked, unable to wake the kids to let you in, and your bladder will be exploding.
Luckily(?) the man from reception will come & let you in
Don't put a helpful "Last Updated" message on the front of your website and then put the wrong year in. It will look like you haven't touched it since Feb 2002.
Use .bat files more often.
If, like us, you're selling-an-entire-Line-of-Business-Down-the-River-and-then-finding
out-that-they're-in-a-far-better-position-than-you-are-but-you-need-to-delete-all-of
their-old-files-from-the-network
You might want printouts of the files so you can work through and archive or delete them.
Create a "mydir.bat" file in notepad
it should contain the following:
dir /o/s *.* > dir_listing.txt
and then double-click in Explorer
It will print directory listings -
and cos you used /o it will order them
and cos you used /s it will list stuff in subdirectories
and cos you used > dir_listing.txt it will bung it in a text file you can open and print off.
Don't use Internet Explorer status bar for your smartarse Javascript messages:
Cos if there are any links in the page, it'll get obscured briefly during mouseover
and it's really annoying
In each directory within your website, have a "index.htm" or "default.htm", otherwise if people navigate straight to the folder by typing it, they'll see your directory structure.
You'll see this site doesn't adhere to this rule - purely so you can see it demonstrated.
Use Garlic and Coriander Naan bread as you would a Pizza base - they're yummy.
Never trust a hippy (Sex Pistols: circa 1976)
Don't believe what you read (Boomtown Rats: circa 1977)
If you have a web page of your own, NEVER have a page of tips.
Don't enter a lift (elevator) if you need a wee.
(thanks to Alison for that one)
Don't flick towels - you could have someone's eye out.
I have only just given web crawlers - email harvesters - any thought:
That's where all my bloody Spam is coming from.
Essentially, it's not such a bright idea to stick your email address on your web site.
They have little bits of software that trawl the web looking for email type addresses then add them to databases which can then use you for bloody viagra adverts or stuff.
Don't bother investigating web crawlers unless you find out what they really do.
Your experimental folder in your email won't get any "Test" spam and your website will look stupid.